December 2008
1 post
even i'm getting tired of useless desires.
“it’s like picking up a broken toy - what the fuck are you going to do with it now?!”
November 2008
1 post
she's lookin' 'round in emptiness, she's missin'...
one day i will have no need for a blog that represents this really roller coaster place in my life. i will be married and have four, five, maybe six beautiful children and i will have left this bullshit a long time ago. it will be a distant memory i will only ever recall on brunch dates with the ladies and after a glass of wine and a half at dinner parties with my other grown up friends. i will be...
October 2008
7 posts
“i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
...”
– i like my body when it is with your, e. e. cummings
“may i feel said he
(i’ll squeal said she
just once said he)
...”
– may i feel said he, e. e. cummings
i thought i held you.
you’ve been gone for seven days and already i’ve finished steinbeck and haddon. i listened to jenny lewis and wilco like you told me to and still can’t get into it. i hear all the voices in the background during every call, while my line only echoes that fucking mix you made me before you left. i’ll probably end up loving it.
when you come home, i want you to walk through...
mayhem, i will be your lady.
i didn’t even say goodbye this time. just grabbed my belongings and left under the guise that i needed another cigarette.
i am starting to embarrass myself.
(meanwhile, a few towns over, there is a boy who is out with his friends. he sends me a text message to say, “i’m having a great time. i wish you were here though.”)
time will do the talking, years will do the...
i can’t seem to remember the last time i was driven, motivated and passionate. the last time i gave a damn, about anything at all really. that’s kind of sad, you know, being in the spring of my life and not caring in the least. i cry for the poor and the starved, i am sad for the crippled and the sick, but what does that amount to? what does that even mean? tears and emotion sickness...
the evening of our great escape is startin' to...
i cried, “i’m drunk and i miss you.”
he said, “funny. i was just thinking about you.”
we have so much unfinished business.
oh there's something 'bout a man in black, makes...
i find it fascinating that he exists. a boy who will tell me i am beautiful even when my mascara is running down my face and i’m cursing up a storm. a boy who is not afraid to take my hand in public, graze his lips across my fingers and tell his friends “that’s her, she’s the one.” a boy who says my lips are the softest he’s ever touched and that he’s...
September 2008
7 posts
i can't tell in his eyes if he's gonna cry or if...
“The world breaks us all. Afterward, some are stronger at the broken places.”
— Ernest Hemmingway
you still make me cry like a song of the east that...
i tried to explain it all to r & a, sitting at dean’s at four in the morning, nursing the worst come down i’ve ever experienced thus far - physically, but most significantly, emotionally. dean’s is a cute hole in the wall, blink and you’ll miss it diner at the cross. it’s what i imagine la’s hotel cafe to look like, except smaller, dirtier and a little more...
when the rain washes you clean, you'll know.
insert obligatory monday morning regret.
she's the type of girl that loves it when you're...
i’m od’ing on emotion sickness (thanks silverchair). which is pathetic, considering all the other cool stuff i could possibly od on.
pink moon.
it’s funny because i thought seeing my ex …ex-boyfriend/ex-conquest/ex-whatever really, would be worse than this. it should be, shouldn’t it? there’s no doubt in my mind that seeing your first of many things buying pre-natal vitamins with his girlfriend/fiance/whatever is a pretty scarring scene to witness - considering the abrupt nature of his departure and the way in...
“You’re captivating while evading
All the questions I have for you like,...”
oops i did it again.
i made myself a doormat for him.
August 2008
3 posts
tuesday morning in the dark.
the nights are getting harder.
my logic has been torn apart.
this month’s highlight includes and is completely limited to making out with a boy who looks exactly like ryan adams.
and if you turned around to see me and i was gone,...
my life these days is like a donnas’ song but i probably shouldn’t say which. like most things i probably shouldn’t do though, i never really take the threat seriously and will say here and now on this saturday afternoon that the afore mentioned refers to forty boys in forty nights. though i’ll be honest, it’s more like sixty boys in forty nights.
and youre gone,...
July 2008
1 post
heroes and thieves at my door, i can't seem to...
is it normal? not being able to breathe, that is. seeing o in three hours has me scared out of my mind. was banking on the fact that he’d forget we said monday, today; and maybe, just maybe, a few weeks, months, years down the line, i’d finally be able to do this, i’d finally not be shit scared of him. but he came through and now i feel, well, i don’t know how i feel...
June 2008
1 post
momma says he's ruined my destiny (but he sure has...
i wish i cared. i wish i wasn’t so apathetic. i wish it mattered that we no longer matter shit to each other. but it doesn’t, and i don’t and i am.
it’s been a week now. laughable that a day apart used to hurt, and yet now it’s been seven of those days and i find myself shrugging my shoulders.
i’m not numb. at least i don’t think i am. but i was...