6th
heroes and thieves at my door, i can’t seem to tell them apart anymore. and just when i figured it out, darling it’s you i’m without.
is it normal? not being able to breathe, that is. seeing o in three hours has me scared out of my mind. was banking on the fact that he’d forget we said monday, today; and maybe, just maybe, a few weeks, months, years down the line, i’d finally be able to do this, i’d finally not be shit scared of him. but he came through and now i feel, well, i don’t know how i feel really. i’m afraid, i’m excited, i’m nervous, i’m anxious. i want to call him and tell him i can’t make it, i want to call him and tell him to bump it up an hour or two. he’s driving me home, after he shows me his new place, and i don’t know if i’m naive or if i’m taking this all the wrong way, but that scares me too. i have never been able to hold my own or trust myself around o, and this will probably be no different.
i’m stronger now, i know that, but this is something new, sort of. running the same old ground, but what have we found? the same old fears. (wish you were here.)
spoke to j’s little brother. he’s getting married soon. i laugh at it, but it sounds as awkward as i feel.
